it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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