i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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