Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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