Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
