you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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