yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
