my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
