I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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