I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
