my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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