Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
