He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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