So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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