Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
