some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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