Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My liver just had a heart attack.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
