Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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