Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
