i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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