So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
