i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
