I looked at my own cervix.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
