I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
