When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
