she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
