Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
