Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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