he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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