Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
