:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
