what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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