did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
