just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
