The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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