my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
