I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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