YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
