Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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