My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize