need another drink. this is the easiest way
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
