Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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