Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
