Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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