And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
