After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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