Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
