a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
