nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
