she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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