I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize