I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
