Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
