My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
