he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
