I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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