the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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