Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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