The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
