i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
