Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As shirtless as possible
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
