she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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