just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
