i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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