if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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