Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
