sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
