you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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