There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
