I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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