dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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