I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
