my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
