I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
