My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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